


Human After All

by Wakefire



Series: What Doesn't Kill You (Makes You) [2]
Category: Alien Series
Genre: Androids, Gen, a different David 8 android, not angsty like the last fic, not the creepy one from Prometheus, still incompatible with the canon timeline, this one's mainly for the lulz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 17:51:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14117694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wakefire/pseuds/Wakefire
Summary: '"Besides”, the corner of Mr. Bishop’s mouth curved a little, “I didn’t think you’d want a synthetic that looks like your boss hanging around.”“Good thinking”, Jade huffed. “So he’s, what, basically my babysitter?”'Part 2/?? in a series of one-shots about a girl, androids, feelings, and being human(ish).





	Human After All

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I continue the trend of appropriating song titles for fic titles, so this one's by Daft Punk.

A piece of wisdom: one should properly appreciate all their limbs when one still has the standard number of them.

That much quickly became clear to Jade when she took a shower by herself for the first time since what she had christened The Incident. By now it was several weeks and a transfer of continents since, but only a few days after the overprotective medical team had deemed her stable enough to live in an apartment instead of a lab. Even then, it had taken a lot of ~~fighting~~ convincing to make all the carers leave her alone for even a few hours. (Throwing shoes had been one of her more effective argumentative devices.)

So the first thing Jade had done to celebrate her newfound independence had been to take a shower. Which took about three times as long as normally and was awkward as hell. At least hairdryers were made to be operated with one hand.

Unfortunately, getting dressed was even worse, to the point where she considered calling one of the hounds back. Eventually she managed to squirm into underwear and pants (thank god they were leggings, not jeans), and picked one of the identical t-shirts in a few different, but equally plain colors in the closet. It was right then that someone with very bad timing rang the doorbell.

“Just a minute!” Jade exclaimed, just so they wouldn’t think she was unconscious and break down the door. She quickly threw the shirt over her head without much sense of direction. The doorbell rang again. She sighed and started walking blinded towards the front door.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming! Keep your pants on!” Jade shouted while tugging at the t-shirt, trying to untangle it from around her arm, which was particularly problematic since she only had that one arm. She hit the door panel with the tip of her toes and was greeted with a gust of cool air as the front door slid open.

“What are you doing?” Mr. Bishop’s puzzled voice asked.

“What do you think I’m doing?” she snapped. “I took a shower – and managed to dress myself until – I got stuck in this damn shirt -”

A pair of hands grabbed the hem of the adversarial garment and yanked down. Jade thought it was a little weird, only because her boss had come off as the kind of person who would jump off a bridge to avoid physical contact. Then her head popped out of its opening and she saw that the person standing in front of her that had helped her with her shirt was, in fact, not Mr. Bishop.

Out of sheer surprise, she shrieked and jumped back.

“Calm down”, Mr. Bishop said as he stepped past the figure in the doorway into the apartment. “It’s just a droid.”

“I know”, Jade breathed. “But a little warning would’ve been nice!”

She recognized the tall, lean android that was built like a Calvin Klein model with blonde hair and eyes that were so bright blue they almost plunged the face into the uncanny valley; the ads had been plastered everywhere when she was a kid. She had even encountered a few jury-rigged old models.

Jade crossed her arms and glowered at Mr. Bishop. “So what’s he here for?”

“I dug this David out of storage for you”, he explained. “Since you will continue to need assistance in your daily life for several months, at least, a spare synthetic is more efficient for the task than a revolving crew of human carers. Not to mention more durable.” He eyed the lone sneaker on the floor.

“Hello”, David greeted, nodding his head, and stepped inside. The door slid smoothly shut behind him. He was wearing the same gray overalls she had seen the other synthetics around the company grounds wear.

“He’s an older model, but I don’t expect anything you need to require the latest hardware. Besides”, the corner of Mr. Bishop’s mouth curved a little, “I didn’t think you’d want a synthetic that looks like your boss hanging around.”

“Good thinking”, Jade huffed. “So he’s, what, basically my babysitter?”

“I would use the term ‘personal assistant’. He will monitor your health, make sure you arrive to your appointments in time -”

“- and keep an eye on your latest investment so it won’t run away?”

Mr. Bishop shrugged, not bothering to deny it. He clasped his hands and turned towards the synthetic. “I’ll leave you to it, then. David, you are to do whatever Miss Shoto asks, as long as it doesn’t conflict with previously established parameters.”

“Yes, sir”, David replied obediently.

Mr. Bishop opened the door and was about to leave when he seemed to remember something and looked over his shoulder. “And in case this needs to be said – don’t let her disassemble you and repurpose your parts.”

“Yes, sir.”

Jade stared at the closing door with an incredulous frown. “Rude.”

Then a silence fell in the apartment. David watched her expectantly, his expression remarkably neutral despite Mr. Bishop’s warning. Jade scratched the back of her neck, unsure what to do with her suddenly gained ‘personal assistant’. She supposed, at least, that if she had to have a babysitter, she’d rather have one synthetic than a bunch of people constantly surrounding her.

“I’m sorry if I frightened you”, he spoke. “I know some people are uncomfortable around synthetics.”

Jade snorted. “Dude, I love robots, I was just surprised! Don’t sweat it.” She turned to walk further into the apartment and nodded him to follow. “How much did they tell you? About me and this whole arrangement?”

“I’ve been briefed on the main points.”

“So you know I’m a dangerous cyberterrorist?”

“Mr. Bishop told me of your skillset, but he didn’t use that particular word.”

Jade smirked. “You should get on the deep web, I’m kinda famous around certain corners. This one time, I hacked all the display synths at Weyland-Yutani’s convention booth, made them sing k-pop and uploaded the whole thing to Youtube. It got like fifteen millions views before it was taken down.”

They walked through the living room into the small bedroom; Jade’s bare feet slapped against the floor, while David’s footsteps hardly made a sound. She sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the pair of socks she had been meaning to put on next. (In contrast to the otherwise boringly uniform wardrobe, someone had taken to themselves to get her socks with pictures of kittens around the ankles.)

“Let me”, David said and knelt down. Jade shrugged and let him slide the socks and then the trainers (self-lacing) on her feet, feeling like a weird version of Cinderella.

“What exactly are previously established parameters?” she asked. “You don’t have to tell me if Mr. Bishop forbade you not to, but I’m curious.”

David looked up. “In addition to the standard laws of robotics, I am to monitor your condition, stay in close enough distance to offer assistance whenever necessary, provide you with nutritious meals and handle your household chores. Your well-being is my primary objective.”

“That sounds serious”, Jade huffed. “Anything else?”

He hesitated before he continued. “I was also instructed to prevent you from causing harm to the company or its personnel, and keep you from, in Mr. Bishop’s words, ‘doing anything stupid’.”

“Like escaping out of the window at night and rappelling down the wall by a rope made of bedsheets?” Jade smirked. “Well, I’ll try to make it easy for you. I promise not to escape at least until I have four functional limbs again.”

“I appreciate it”, the synthetic replied, deadpan. “Do you require any additional clothing?”

Jade stood up. “A hoodie. I don’t care which one, I think they’re all identical.”

David helped her into a gray melange hoodie and even arranged the left sleeve so that it almost looked like she had that hand in her pocket instead of an entirely missing arm. Jade still felt awkward being fussed over, but the synthetic was definitely an upgrade from the human carers. More efficiency and much less pitying glances.

“Okay, I look human enough”, she decided after checking her appearance from the mirror. “Let’s go.”

“Go where?” David asked, frowning, as she walked past him.

“Out”, Jade replied simply. She stopped in the middle of the living room, searching for her phone and the credit card the company had graciously issued to her for pocket money. “I’m dying for a cheeseburger. And you need some new clothes, because I’m not gonna have you follow me around looking like a janitor.”

“You’re not supposed to leave company grounds unattended”, David protested.

“I’m not leaving unattended, you’re coming with me.” Jade spotted her phone on top of the fridge and jumped to reach it.

“And I’m supposed to deliver you to laboratory E -”

“- in like two hours. The nearest McDonald’s is, what, three miles away?”

“2.62 miles.”

“So there’s plenty of time, we’ll be back by then.” As the synthetic still looked conflicted, Jade dropped her arms to her sides and sighed. “Look, I’ve been shut in either this apartment or some lab for so long I’m starting to get claustrophobic. I feel fine, I promise not to keel over.”

David tilted his head, looking like he was processing. “Alright”, he said. “But I must point out that a cheeseburger lacks virtually all important micronutrients.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll have a salad with dinner, does that fulfill your objectives?”

“Yes.”

Jade smirked. “You know, I think we’ll get along just fine."

 

* * *

 

Five minutes before the assigned time, Jade arrived at the laboratory drinking a milkshake through a straw, closely followed by David carrying shopping bags from a couple different stores. All the researchers turned to stare at her in unison and she slowly came to a halt.

“Whu? Did I grow a second head or something?” she wondered.

“No, we’re just surprised you’re on time”, Dr. Richards replied.

“Early, actually”, Dr. Ogawa said. “Somebody should scan her and make sure she’s actually her and not a synthetic replica.”

“Ha ha”, Jade said. “You can blame David on that one, I wanted to go go-kart racing but he dragged me back here.”

“Not literally”, David swiftly pointed out.

“No, very figuratively”, Jade confirmed. “Anyway, I guess you can go do… whatever it is that you do now, I’m sure someone will page you when these guys are done with me.”

The synthetic nodded. “I will put away these clothes and then go grocery shopping. You have almost nothing to eat in your apartment.”

She frowned as she slurped more milkshake. “Probably not, but how do you know that?”

“I synchronized with your refrigerator.”

“Oh, okay then”, Jade blinked. “Well, have fun.”

David exited the lab and left her with the six-man-and-woman researcher team. Ching, one of the nurses whom she’d driven out of her place earlier, crossed his arms.

“Why aren’t you throwing shoes at him?”

Jade raised an eyebrow. “One, that would be a really ineffective weapon against an android. And two, he helped me order McDonald’s. Everyone kept expecting I speak Japanese and I mean, I get that, but it’s kinda awkward.”

The whole team collectively sighed before they got to work.


End file.
